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Living assertively: what it is and how to be more assertive

Do you know what assertiveness is and why it is so important to be a little more assertive every day? It is undoubtedly an excellent social skill that will improve your life.

It is never too late if we want to improve and continue on a more conscious path with a better quality of life. Surely at some point in our life we ​​have stumbled upon someone close to us and their vision of seeing life or just a mere phrase has made us reflect.

Probably, when we returned home we have been analyzing and translating what those words wanted to convey to us. Our life can become healthier and more conscious when we see relationships and our own gestures accompanied by the hand of assertiveness. Being more assertive many times will make us resolve situations with maturity and tranquility.

Do you know what assertiveness is?

It is a skill that can be achieved by working from within yourself. We are assertive when we say what we think or feel by being clear and direct without hurting or belittling the other person. Said in a closer way, we will express what we want to say under love and affection, defending their rights as a person.

We know that we are being more assertive when we express what we think or feel, but above all we are being aware of the other person and we do not have the intention or need to intentionally hurt them.

On many occasions, not only the lack of communication with the partner, friends or family but also the way in which we express what we want to say leads to something that can be a grain of sand turning into a sand dune. We know that, sometimes, we anticipate before hearing what the other person wants to say to us. By our own judgments we tend to judge him / her and we really are not even really understanding what he wants to convey to us since we sometimes show aggressive behavior.

Therefore, it is convenient to work hand in hand with assertiveness. And, believe it or not, you don’t have to be a psychologist or a therapist. For this, only with a little desire to improve we can carry it out.

This is achieved thanks to social skills

We understand social skills as the set of behaviors that endows the person who possesses them with a greater capacity to achieve the objectives they intend, maintaining their self-esteem without damaging that of the people around them. Among them we find assertiveness, but empathy and active listening also accompany it.

The empathy is the ability to take the place of the other, understand and experience the role of view of others.

Another important skill is active listening. This involves paying attention and showing interest in what the other person is saying, accepting their feelings, listening without judging what they are saying.

What styles of relating to others can we observe?

Maybe it looks too easy or not much attention is paid to the way we relate to others. However, it is quite important. There are three ways of relating:

  • Aggression: they are not worried about the feelings of others. They take advantage of other people.
  • Passivity: they do not clearly express what they want and feel. They do not defend their rights.
  • The assertive style: they clearly express their wishes, opinions and needs. They respect the rights of others.

What thoughts hurt assertiveness?

The way we think, our own beliefs are what conditions us most of the time. These determine the emotions and behaviors that we have. They cause us both problems with ourselves and with others (demands, catastrophizing, and rationalization).

It also happens to us when we make incorrect interpretations of the reality we perceive (exaggerating the negative, radical black or white thinking, overestimating other people’s mistakes).

We have a tendency to make mistakes when assuming who is responsible, or what is the cause of our emotions (it is that I am like that, external attribution).

In summary…

The best we can do is start thinking and being responsible for how we think and feel. Taking responsibility for our emotions and actions will be the first step towards change. Softening ourselves and stopping feeling attacked or judged will be the best way to start the flow towards assertiveness.

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HealthyWire Staff
HealthyWire Staffhttps://healthywire.com/
This blog also features articles on natural living, fitness, healthy children, inspiration, and nutritious food and recipes. HealthyWire assists you in building a naturally healthy, whole-family environment. The site features articles on a variety of topics, including reduction of weight, men’s and women’s health, yoga, healthcare, fitness & exercise, diseases & prevention, healthy living and wellbeing, lifestyle, and much more.

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